Hello my lovely readers! Today I’m writing a bit about my personal life and I hope you’ll have a good read.
So. The year is ending. I’m not going to post new year resolutions or anything like that.
I’m quite emotional about the fact that 2015 is ending. Because for me it has been the greatest of all the years and it gave me so, so much that I cannot even count. I’m, honestly, very grateful to the universe for blessing me with such a beautiful year. I feel all grown up just in a year. It has been eventful, really.
Mainly because school ended. And I was in the real world for the first time. Vulnerable to, and oblivious of, what the world holds. For the first time in eighteen years I had the chance to find and create myself; because in school I was always trying to fit-in in the peer group. I’ve always been an introvert and I’ve never had many friends but you know, I always tried, really tried to fit-in or mold myself the way other teenagers were. Honestly, I did not have a very good time in school. (I dont mean that i Hate my school; I love it and I’m grateful to it for whatever I’m today and will be tomorrow, is and will be, because of Xaviers.) What I mean to say is that I was a little disturbed of the fact that I do not fit-in in any of the groups. I had and have only one friend and I’m very grateful to her because she (Riya) is the only one, except my family, to understand me. Basically what I tried all the time in school was to get comfortable with the peer-atmosphere which I never could. This is why when school ended I was happy unlike my classmates. It was March 2015. I was in the real world now.(but I did not know that then) I had this exam on 10th of May which was very important for me because it was to decide in which law school I’ll get into. And the result was to come out on 20th of May; Fortunately, I did not make into any of the law schools. Yes, FORTUNATELY; because I was not ready for college at that time (which I realized only now) I was all panicked and depressed. All I wanted was to get into a college. So I started filling up applications over applications.( not really but that is what I wanted to do, mainly, but then I was not sure) I got myself admitted into Xavier’s college Jaipur and also i joined coaching again to prepare for my law entrance exam. But I was depressed. I could attend that college only for two days. because only in two days I realized that it was not for me or it was not what I wanted to do. I withdrew.
On 23rd of July I created this blog by the name of “Blog of a wallflower”. Wallflower- because of the way I was, an introvert. And creating this blog site was the second best thing that happened to me in 2015 after the ending-of-school. I wrote about how depressed I was and how easy I’d thought it’d be.(if you wish to read that post, click here). Then I was, kind of, self motivated and I wrote some happy and inspirational articles too. There were people(there still are; my lovely readers and followers) who read my writings and appreciated the effort which gave me a lot of confidence; hence I started writing more often. Three months into writing and I realized that I have to change the my blog’s name to “Rum-n-Raisins”. Rum-n-raisins – Because of the way of life. Our life ALWAYS happens in combinations; such as, bitter-and-sweet, good-and-bad, rough-and-smooth, tough-and-soft. It will never be one way. Not always bitter and not always sweet. It will be a combination of both, Though the ratio will not always be 1:1 and what we need to learn here is to train ourselves to be able to live in both the proportions of life. And hence the name “Rum-n-Raisins”; Life will be tough and bitter like rum and life will also be soft and sweet like raisins; and we will have to live both because it is the combination of life.
Then finally it was like I’ve found myself (but I’m still in the process).
Audre Lorde, Rupi Kaur and Brandon Stanton have been my greatest inspiration for the year. I read s lot of blogs of a lot of different people from different countries and I learned; Learned hell lot of a things.
I started loving myself(which is the most important thing for any individual).
And for the first time in eighteen years, I’m happy with my life, with everything I’m doing; because i know i’m creating myself and i’m happy with myself. I’m preparing for the law entrance exam again which will be in May 2016 now; the difference this time is that I’m not afraid.
I’m not anymore trying to fit-in anywhere. I’m just living and loving. So it’s pretty awesome. One thing I know now is that, I’ll make something great out of my life for sure.
Therefore. It was REALLY a very eventful year with both disappointments and achievements. And the most important thing that I learned is that life is all about creating yourself and loving your self for what and how your are.
Wish you all a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year.
May the force be with you all.
Cheers to life! xox