18th September 2016, 10:00 pm

This is the second time I’ve done this- cry in the bathroom for thirty minutes then call home. (first time was an year ago which is not important right now)

 

Let me start from the start.

1st September 2016 (When the second month of college had just started)

I love my college, I love my new hostel life, I love my new life at the university. Everything’s pretty good. I’m participating, meeting new people, making friends, adjusting in the new environment, eating out almost everyday because, of course, the mess sucks, keeping busy with some new stuff like being in the content writing team of a club or volunteering in various activities or giving interviews for more participation, and basically I’m improving my social self who was dead for the past year. And I’m proud of myself for being able to  do all this in the first month without much panicking.

Then one day, I get sick. A severe stomach infection takes toll on me  and I have to stay at home for two weeks. Two weeks- Huge lot of time to miss out on a huge lot of the amazing university life I was living. I went on leave on 3rd and came back on 17th afternoon and then on 18th, I’m not sure why or how, I had some kind of emotional break down I think. I felt feverish and homesick (not really; it was hiraeth, as always; but then I’m not sure).

I need a purpose for every single thing and when the purpose is out of sight I go crazy and I stay crazy till the time the purpose is redefined. I ran from college last year because I had lost the purpose; I had to take a year off after school because I had lost the purpose (in fact I didn’t even know there should be a purpose ). So here I am trying to catch up with my life; I mean I know what to do and how to do but sometimes I get sick of everything. (mainly myself; why do I get sick of myself; I always say I love myself the most and I am suppose to)

This post seems incomplete to me but whatever it’s my personal blog. So this is it for now! Will write again soon, promise. And the plan, I guess, for now, is to get healthy as soon as possible and live and keep on improving.

Cheers to life! xox